B216- Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered

Written by: Marti Noxon
Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Nicholas Brendon, Alyson Hannigan, Anthony Stewart Head, David Boreanaz, Charisma Carpenter, Seth Green, Kristine Sutherland, Robia LaMorte, Elizabeth Anne Allen, Mercedes McNab, James Marsters, Juliet Landau & Jason Hall.

On her night patrol through a cemetery, Xander shows Buffy the silver necklace he intends to give Cordelia for Valentine’s Day. Buffy teases him for his girl while reassuring him of the gift. Xander is under no illusions as he is convinced that dating Cordelia is more perilous than slaying.

On Valentine’s Day, Harmony and her followers insult Cordelia for going out with Xander. Xander notices that Amy Madison avoided homework by hypnotizing the teacher. He offers to speak to her as Buffy and Willow remember Amy’s “amateur psycho” mother. Giles appears and asks to speak with Buffy when Jenny Calendar sees him and tries to make up. Giles decides that Buffy is more important; they leave for the library.

There, he warns Buffy of Angelus’s vicious history around St. Valentine’s Day. Giles decides Buffy does not need to know the details and offers to patrol on her behalf. At the same time, Spike shows Drusilla a necklace that is immediately topped by Angelus’ gift: a fresh heart that he found in a “quaint little shop girl”.

Whiling that night away alongside her mom, Buffy receives an ominous note from Angelus. Meanwhile, Willow confesses to being a groupie of Oz and his band. Cordelia is again ignored by her clique when Xander approaches. After sadly praising him first for his clothes, then for the necklace, she breaks up with him. Xander is outraged at her timing.

Xander is humiliated the next morning when everyone at Sunnydale High is laughing at the way he was dumped and Buffy is too focused on Angelus to offer him any support. He spots Amy and blackmails her into casting a love spell so he can break up with a lovelorn Cordelia and “put her through the same hell.” Amy agrees to do the spell, but needs a personal item of Cordelia’s for it. In the library, Buffy convinces Giles to tell her of Angelus’ atrocities.

Xander goes up to Cordelia demanding the necklace back, and she pretends to get it out of the locker pretending she doesn’t like it, but doesn’t let him know that she is still wearing it. That night Xander and Amy perform the spell.

The next morning, Xander talks to Cordelia attempting to find out the effect of the spell but finds her unaffected. Xander enters the library as Giles is still giving Buffy information on Angelus. Xander is despondent and this time Buffy consoles him on what happened with Cordelia, and suggests that they get together to “comfort each other”. Xander literally cannot believe his luck, especially when Buffy hints she might even give him a lapdance. The two then nearly kiss when interrupted by Amy, who wants to discuss the ‘failure’ of the spell. Xander tries to tell her that he’s no longer interested, but Amy tells him they can just hang out… and Xander realizes that Amy and Buffy are both acting the same way towards him. Then a Harmony groupie wants to study with him at night. He runs home only to find Willow hiding under his sheets, a surprise for which he gives high marks. She offers him her virginity and he flees.

The next day, Sunnydale High girls are pleased to see Xander in the hallways; the boys, less so. Xander confesses to Giles, who is appalled at his foolishness. Jenny enters the library intent on conversing with Giles, but soon finds herself distracted by Xander’s presence. When the Watcher looks for Amy to reverse the spell, he has to drag a moaning Ms. Calendar away. Xander blockades the door, only to find Buffy, only wearing a trench-coat (theoretically), willing to give him more than a heart attack. When he refuses to undress her because she is under the influence, she becomes enraged, thinking he is toying with her. Amy walks in seeking Xander too, so Buffy punches her hard in the face. Amy turns Buffy into a rat, sending her scurrying behind bookcases. Buffy-rat hurries out of the library when a confused Oz punches Xander for making Willow cry on the phone all night. Giles sends Xander home.

On his way out, Xander sees Harmony and other girls attacking Cordelia. He takes her outside only to find an axe-wielding Willow leading other Sunnydale females. Xander and Cordelia flee to Buffy’s house, only to find Joyce pawing over him. Angelus then appears in Buffy’s window and drags Xander out. Drusilla saves Xander from becoming Angelus’ substitute present for Buffy and offers him immortality. She is distracted by Willow and her gang, and Cordelia pulls Xander back in the house. The mob break into the house with knives and sticks (except for Drusilla who cannot enter, lacking an invitation). Cornered in the basement, Xander reveals to Cordelia that he meant the spell for her (leaving out that he meant it for revenge). She is touched.

Meanwhile, Giles had convinced Amy to reverse her spells, though they have to do without Jenny’s help. Thankfully, Buffy-rat did not eat the cheese on a mousetrap in the school basement, but Buffy does find herself with a “slight case of nudity.” And just as they are about to kill the young couple, the spell is lifted from the obsessed women in the Summers basement. Thinking quickly, Cordy commends their scavenger hunt.

The next morning, all has returned to normal, but Willow still refuses to talk to Xander due to her already loving him prior to the spell. Buffy is impressed by Xander’s reaction to her seduction. And after Harmony insults Xander again, Cordelia finally faces up to her friends and walks away locked in arms with Xander.

From: Wikipedia

EPISODE COUNT-

BUFFY- (+2)

• +1/ Offering to give Xander a lapdance due to the love spell-
  Buffy: You know what I’d like? Why don’t you and I do something together tonight? Just the two of us.
  Xander: (does a double take) Really?
  Buffy: Yeah. We can comfort each other.
  Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? ‘Cause I find that very comforting. (grins)
  She stands up, stares into his eyes and takes a step closer to him.
  Buffy: (smiles) Play your cards right…
  Xander: Okay, uh… You do know that I’m Xander, right?
  Buffy: I don’t know, I just… heard that you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just surprised how glad I was. (plays with his shirt) It’s funny… (leans into him) how you can see someone every day but not really see them. You know?
  Xander: (smiles and chuckles nervously) Yeah, it’s funny. And it’s just gettin’ funnier.
• +1/ Trying to seduce Xander wearing only a raincoat.

XANDER- (+12)

• +1/ Actually getting dressed up for Cordelia.
• -1/ “I let Buffy dress me.” – cold he say a worse thing.
• +1/ Giving Cordelia a necklace for Valentine’s Day.
• +1/ You gotta feel sorry for him after Cordy dumps him, on Valentine’s Day no less.
• +3/ His scene with Willow in his bedroom, pure hilarity-
  Willow: Don’t be so jumpy. I’ve been in your bed before.
  Xander: Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.
  Willow: Xand, I’ve been thinking.
  Xander: Will, I, I think I know what you’ve been thinking. But this is all my fault. I cast a spell, and it sort of backfired.
  Willow: How long have we been friends?
  Xander: (very nervous) A long, long time. Too long to do anything that might change that now.
  Willow: (moves to the edge of the bed) Well, friendships change all the time. People grow apart. They grow closer. (smiles up at him)
  Xander: Uh, this is good! How close we are now. I feel very comfortable with this amount of closeness. In fact, (points behind himself) I can even back up a few paces and still be happy. (steps back) See? (smiles, still nervous)
  She gets up from the bed and approaches him. His shirt is the only thing she’s wearing.
  Willow: I want you, Xander… (smiles) to be my first!
  Xander: (extremely nervous) Baseman. Please tell me we’re talking baseball.
  He starts to back up when she reaches him. She puts her hands up against his chest.
  Willow: Shhh.
  He backs into the door. She rubs her hands up and down his chest.
  Willow: We both know it’s right. (leans into him for a kiss)
  Xander: (backs his head away) It’s not that I don’t find you sexy.
  Willow: (leans away to look at him) Is it Oz? (shakes her head) Don’t worry about him. He’s sweet, but… he’s not you. (rubs his chest more)
  Xander: Yes, he is. And you should go to him. ‘Cause he’s me. (grins)
  She leans up to the side of his face and starts to suck on his earlobe. Xander is sweating bullets now, having no idea how to handle this.
  Xander: I-I don’t wanna use force.
  She lets go of his ear and leans back to face him again with a wide smile on her face.
  Willow: Mm. Force is okay!
  She tries for his ear again, but he takes her by the arms and pushes her away. She stares at him in confusion.
  Xander: Th-that’s it! This has gotta stop. It’s time for me to act like a man. (opens the door behind him) And hide. (rushes out)
• +2/ His face during the hallway scene at school, possibly the funniest face he ever makes.
• +2/ Showing self-control in front of Buffy-
  Buffy: Alone at last.
  Xander: (stares open-mouthed) Buff, give me a heart attack!
  Buffy: Oh, (starts a sexy walk toward him) I’m gonna give you more than that. (grabs her raincoat belt to untie it)
  Xander: (backs away, gesturing with his hands) Buff, for the love of God, don’t open that raincoat.
  Buffy: Come on! It’s a party! Aren’t you gonna open your present? (undoes a button)
  Xander: (keeps backing toward the stairs nervously) It’s not that I don’t want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. (trips and falls backward onto the stairs) Not like this. This isn’t real to you. (Buffy steps up and puts her leg over him) You’re only here because of a spell. (gets a confused stare from her) I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me…But you don’t. So I can’t.
• +1/ Saving Cordelia from the crazy mob of girls.
• +1/ Even under mortal danger, Xander still finds the ability to quip-
  Drusilla: (runs her fingers over Xander’s lips) Your face is a poem. (moans) I can read it.
  Xander: (terrified) Really? It doesn’t say ’spare me’ by any chance?
  Drusilla: Shhh. (kisses him) How do you feel about eternal life?
  Xander: (trembles with fear) We couldn’t just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?

WILLOW- (+6)

• +1/ Getting excited about her relationship with Oz- “My boyfriend’s in the band!”
• +1/ Once again, getting excited about Oz- “(to Xander, smiling) Oz has his cool hair today. I think I’m a groupie!”
• +3/ Her bedroom scene with Xander (see Xander point 5).
• +1/ Deciding to take an axe to Xander, maybe taking it a little far but that’s how much she loves him.

GILES- (+2)

• +1/ Getting angry at Xander for what he done. And rightly so-
  Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this!
  Xander: Oh, no, I’m twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
• +1/ Telling off Amy.-
  Amy: (to Jenny) He loves me. We look into each other’s souls.
  Jenny: No one can love two people at once. What *we* have is real.
  Giles: Instead of making me ill, why doesn’t one of you try to help me?
  Amy:You have no idea what I’m going through.
  Giles: (to Amy, sternly) I know it’s not love. It’s obsession. Selfish, banal obsession. (Jenny starts out of the library) Now, Xander has put himself in very great danger. If you cared at all about him, you’d help me save him, rather than wittering on about your feelings.

CORDELIA- (+3)

• -2/ Breaking up with Xander, on Valentines Day of all days. And it’s obvious that she doesn’t want to but just wants to please her ‘friends’.
• +1/ Wearing the necklace Xander gave her after their break, showing that she did care for him.
• +1/ Managing to guess what Xander had done to make the females crazy-
  Joyce is kissing the back of Xander’s neck.
  Cordelia: What are you doing? Make me yak!
  Joyce: (defensive) Cordelia, go back upstairs. This is between us.
  Cordelia: Gross! I think not.
  She grabs Joyce by the arm and pushes her back toward the door and opens it.
  Joyce: What are you doing? Hey! Get your hands off me!
  Cordelia pushes her out of the door, slams it shut and locks it.
  Cordelia: And keep your mom-aged mitts off my boyfriend. Former! (to Xander) Why has everyone gone insane?
  Xander: Insane? Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?
  Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft.
  Xander: That is such a… (concedes) Well, yeah, okay, good point.
• +1/ Being slightly touched by Xander making the spell for her-
  Cordelia: If we die in here I’m gonna kick your ass! I mean it!
  Xander: (looks back at her) None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t broken up with me. But no, you’re so desperate to be popular!
  Cordelia: Me? I’m not the one who embraced the black arts just to get the girls to like me. Well, congratulations, it worked!
  Xander: (looks at her) Would’ve worked fine, except your hide’s so thick, not even magic can penetrate it!
  Cordelia: You mean the spell was for me?
• +2/ Going off at Harmony and deciding to get back together with Xander-
  Cordelia: Harmony, shut up. Do you know what you are, Harmony? You’re a sheep.
  Harmony: I’m not a sheep.
  Cordelia: You’re a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I’m *way* cooler than you are ’cause I’m *not* a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? (Xander smiles) I’ll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
  Xander’s smiles fades at that. Cordelia leaves the group and goes over to him. He smiles again. When she reaches him she takes his arm and they start walking together along the colonnade.
  Cordelia: (breathing hard with anxiety) Oh, God! Oh, God!
  Xander: (pats her hand) You’re gonna be okay. Just keep walkin’.
  Cordelia: Oh, God, what have I done? They’re never gonna speak to me again!
  Xander: Oh, sure, they are. If it helps, whenever we’re around them you and I can fight a lot.
  Cordelia: You promise?
  Xander: (takes her hand in his) You can pretty much count on it.

OZ- (+3)

• +2/ Hitting Xander-
  Oz: (still shaking his hand after the punch) That kinda hurt.
  Xander: (rubbing his cheek) Kinda?! What was that for?
  Oz: I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about *you*. Now, I don’t know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to… hit you.
• +1/ Helping Buffy out with her nudity problem-
  Buffy: (smiles) Hi, Oz!
  Oz: Hi.
  Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
  Oz: But you’re not a rat. So call it an upside.

ANGELUS- (+1)

• +1/ Getting Drusilla a human heart for Valentine’s Day….very sweet.

SPIKE- (+1)

• +1/ Getting upset with Angelus’ lack of urgency in killing Buffy-
  Angelus: Dear Buffy. I’m still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
  Spike: Why don’t you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
  Angelus: Lacks… poetry.
  Spike: It doesn’t have to. (inhales and thinks) What rhymes with lungs?

DRUSILLA- (+1)

• +1/ Saving Xander from Angelus (see Xander point 9)

AMY- (+1)

• +1/ Managing to turn Buffy into a rat…that’s pretty darn powerful.

HARMONY- (-2)

• -1/ Being incredibly mean to Cordy about her dating Xander.
• -1/ She tries to hurt Cordy for breaking Xander’s heart. That’s not very civil.

SEASON COUNT-

XANDER- +69
WILLOW- +66
BUFFY- +51
GILES- +40
CORDELIA- +34
OZ- +30
ANGEL- +27
DRUSILLA- +23
SPIKE- +20
JOYCE- +10
ANGELUS- +7
MS. CALENDAR- +4
JONATHAN- +1
AMY- +1
LARRY- 0
KENDRA- 0
WILLY- 0
ETHAN RAYNE- -1
ANNE- -1
HARMONY- -2
PRINCIPAL SNYDER- -9

OVERALL COUNT-

BUFFY- +131
XANDER- +113
WILLOW- +108
GILES- +76
CORDELIA- +53
ANGEL- +46
OZ- +30
DRUSILLA- +23
SPIKE- +20
JOYCE- +13
MS. CALENDAR- +11
ANGELUS- +7
AMY- +3
JONATHAN- +1
LARRY- 0
KENDRA- 0
WILLY- 0
ETHAN RAYNE- -1
HARMONY- -1
ANNE- -1
PRINCIPAL SNYDER- -5

EPISODE THOUGHTS-
I’ve always liked this episode. Xander is the focus and does a brilliant comedic job of leading the episode. He has so many fantastic scenes with virtually all the main characters and does a fantastic job in each one of them. Buffy is a rat for a lot of the episode so she isn’t as prominent, she does have some nice scenes where she tries to seduce Xander. Willow is also strong, especially in her seduction scene with Xander. Cordelia is the other main star of the episode and shows a lot of sass in dealing with the crazed female population. Oz is also noticeable as he hits Xander and helps to find the Buffy-rat. The plot is a very sharp and witty one for this type of episode, it’s full of hilarious scenes and very fast paced. One of the standouts from this season.

88/100